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Archive for October, 2009

I just finished Bird by Bird by the lovely Anne Lamott and I find myself wrapped in her wisdom and beautiful and hilarious words. I feel the way you should feel when you finish a good book. Warm, peaceful, and a little sad.

In other news, I have a new, secret addiction. Gossip Girl. I first watched it over a week ago when I was having a “I just want to be alone” sort of Friday night. So, I got some Chinese food and some white wine, and popped in disc one.

To say, I was hooked would be incorrect. I was annoyed by Serena’s constant whimpering and whining. And she seemed to be the focus. Yet, I couldn’t get it out of my head. So, a couple of days later I got disc 2.

BOOM.

Then, I was hooked. But, I still find Serena annoying as hell. And the characters which became my favorites, well, I think they’re the misunderstood ones. Blair? Love her in all her bitchy Queen B goodness. Chuck Bass? I mean, the guy’s catch phrase is “I’m Chuck Bass.” Which is totally narcissistic and genius. I like season 2 Nate. Dan is all right when he’s not oogling over Serena. And everyone else is mostly boring. Eh.

Seriously, though. Does anyone else watch this trashy tv goodness?

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I’m a G(l)eek.

This is why I love Glee, and I think I’m in love with Matthew Morrison.

Need more proof, you say…

Believe me now?

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A Quiet Little Place

I have always been the sort of girl who has liked her alone time. I could get lost in aloneness like a child can get lost in a large mall in the holiday seasons. Where suddenly minutes and hours are no different because though your mother will be frantic when she finds you, you are not lost, no, you are perfectly cocooned in your quiet thoughts which don’t register the fears of a mother. They just nestle you with familiar characters and the promise of adventure.

And so now, as an adult, I find myself often unlost in quiet place with familiar characters. I become engrossed in my aloneness which is both quiet and doesn’t seem very alone either. But, that quiet, not the incessant ticker of anxieties, paranoias, and insecurities, that brings me comfort these odd days.

And though it’s tempting to get lost in the crowd of thoughts, the characters who are familiar and a little insane, I trust the quiet little place, tucked like a precious child in between grace and faith. And even when I wake up, sweating and terrified of my dark, that is the place I always tucked into again.

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Utterly Human.

For one, I love LOVE Glee. And whenever I start to feel a little down, I pop in the soundtrack, and my day feels turned around for that time. It’s a beautiful thing. And I will always belt out, “Don’t Stop Believin'” “Take a Bow” “Bust Your Windows” and “Golddigger” because you kind of have to. In fact, hold on a second, because “Don’t Stop Believin'” just started.

Well, anyway, I’ve been so whiney lately. I think my most frequently used it expression this week is, “Annoyed.” I just say it, much in the same way Rachel Zoe says, “Unclear,” in all situations where I’m the least bit annoyed. Which, is really rather frequently.

I’m tired of the whole shabang of wait, pray, trust. I don’t think that means much expect that I’m utterly human. I doesn’t mean I won’t keep doing it, it just means, I’ve hit that wall where my very human expectations of God come out and I want to demand action. I want to scream that I’ve had enough of this season. That I’m ready for the next. Now, deep down, I know God is still good and at work. But, sometimes, I feel more annoyed and weary than I do adventurous and…well, faithful.

I don’t know that feeling this way does much except calls me back into commune with God in some strange way. I pray just as much, I just say some different things. I trust but with a little less grace. And I still shrug a lot of days and sigh at the end. I still squeeze my eyes and say, “Really?” It’s just a little different place. It’s just after so many days in the desert, us humans can’t help but say, “Uh, I don’t really get what the point of this was. Were we that bad off back there? At least we knew where we were going?”

And God will always respond with, “Let me fight for you. Just rest. Just trust.”

And I’ll feel a little annoyed, because I knew that. I was just hoping for, “Oh, Whit. How careless of me. Let me attend to all of what you think is most important and relevant.”

Ha. Annoyed.

It’s just a day full of Glee soundtracks for sanity, deep breaths, dancing, and screaming when no one is paying attention.

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True Confession…

Sometimes…I lie. What I mean by this is I just sort of think it’s funny to tell people untrue things about me and see if I can weave a convincing story. This, I understand, is probably not an admirable quality. I’m not trying to toot it as such, but I just have a knack for it. And the more ridiculous, the better.

Ok, I suppose I am trying to make it sound a little edgy and awesome. But, I just think it’s funny. We can discuss the morality of it some other time.

I mean, I’ve been doing this for a long time. Like when I was in 7th grade, I convinced a girl I had gone to school with for 6 years and lived like 5 minutes away from that I had 5 older brothers she had never met.

When I went camping with friends this past Memorial Day weekend, we all took on alter egos and had elaborate back stories. I was Talon…an East Coast transplant to the West Coast Art School drop out who lived in Seattle and was a faux hippie. I mean, being one of those indie kids with rich parents who is always soul searching and hippie playing was actually a part of my back story. The stories we made up that weekend were nothing short of legendary. And we didn’t drop it for two full days. We even sat around a camp fire with strangers telling stories from our boarding school days in Boston. I’ve never even been to Boston.

And then, there was one time I was at a bar for a friend’s 21st birthday party. I knew all of 3 people there. And so, I convinced this guy (who, albeit, had been drinking a bit) that I was in the process of becoming a nun, all with a beer in one hand and a cig in another hand.

Anyway, I was just thinking about it today whilst running. And I still think each of those are priceless and endlessly humorous, if not a little amoral.

But, Jay-Z and Journey make me run with the hugest smile on my face. Because, ladies is pimps too. Go on brust yo shoulder off.

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Here is another blog of not much. But, let’s go with it. We hit it hard a few weeks ago, but some fluff might not be so bad.

I have a crick in my neck. It is really inconvienent and all I can think about is the episode of Sex and the City were Miranda got one so bad she ended up naked on the floor of her bathroom and Aidan had to rescue her. I sure hope it doesn’t get to that point. Unless Aidan is around.

I feel like, due to my title, I should mention crickets. But, all I can say is I really hate crickets. Jumping insects are really…well, we just don’t get on. It seems that they are just tricky little bastards. Jumping is an unfair advantage in regards to insects. And then there was one time in which my dorm room was infested by crickets. (I even made a Facebook group called “Get These Motha F-ing Crickets Out of My Motha F-ing Room).

On the other hand, there is always lots of really great reality tv to watch. Like any Real Housewives and Project Runway and Top Chef and The City. I could go on and on.

Didn’t The Office just make you want a Jim?

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Not Much, but Something

I don’t have much to say right in this moment. Except, something.

1. I think my computer is angry with me because I always try to do about 324 things at once on it. I mean, I’d get angry too if someone was that unfocused with me. And that’s what it is. I’m devilishly unfocused lately.

2. My mom’s birthday was yesterday. I made her chocolate and chocolate and walnut covered strawberries. They are so good. And so hard to say no to.

3. I am in the process of making a work out mix! I love making mixes. Maybe too much. Any suggestions?

4. I am starting, tomorrow, the Couch to 5k runner in 6 weeks thing. There is probably a more svelte title, but I can’t think of it. Wish me luck.

5. Have y’all been watching Glee? It’s freaking fantastic. AND it’s on tonight. So, how about that?

6. I love grey, rainy days.

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