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Archive for the ‘Anne Lamott’ Category

I just finished Bird by Bird by the lovely Anne Lamott and I find myself wrapped in her wisdom and beautiful and hilarious words. I feel the way you should feel when you finish a good book. Warm, peaceful, and a little sad.

In other news, I have a new, secret addiction. Gossip Girl. I first watched it over a week ago when I was having a “I just want to be alone” sort of Friday night. So, I got some Chinese food and some white wine, and popped in disc one.

To say, I was hooked would be incorrect. I was annoyed by Serena’s constant whimpering and whining. And she seemed to be the focus. Yet, I couldn’t get it out of my head. So, a couple of days later I got disc 2.

BOOM.

Then, I was hooked. But, I still find Serena annoying as hell. And the characters which became my favorites, well, I think they’re the misunderstood ones. Blair? Love her in all her bitchy Queen B goodness. Chuck Bass? I mean, the guy’s catch phrase is “I’m Chuck Bass.” Which is totally narcissistic and genius. I like season 2 Nate. Dan is all right when he’s not oogling over Serena. And everyone else is mostly boring. Eh.

Seriously, though. Does anyone else watch this trashy tv goodness?

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I remember a few years ago talking to a then new, now old friend. We were talking about our lives and what we wanted to do with them. A conversation filled with purpose, that in the coming year, when the world hit me hard, I would forget in more ways than one. But, as we pulled out of the Wal-Mart parking lot, the conversation was alive.

I told said friend that I didn’t know practically what my future would look like, but I knew one thing it would involve. Reconciliation/redemption. I said, “I know you aren’t supposed to have favorite things about God, but if I were to, that would be it. The fact that God doesn’t just save, but restores, redeems, and reconciles.”

And, years of life have past, but I still feel the same way. Just awed that God would go further than saving us.

Still, when it comes to reconciling with other people, I run into a hiccup. I find myself confused as to act in friendships with grace and love and forgiveness, always hoping for reconciliation when I am being hurt. I have struggled with this through many friendships. Sometimes, the result was sticking it out in a place I shouldn’t have. Sometimes it was cutting and run when I shouldn’t have. But, each time, by the grace of God, I learn a little more. Get a little closer to the promise of reconciliation.

Yet, I stand at these crossroads again. I wish I felt confident and wise in action. But, my stomach feels sour and I’m at a bit of a loss. I groan in prayer. Or sometimes I just take to anger.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you will never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But, this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t scale back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

Somehow, those words of Ms. Lamott, make strong sense to my heart in this time.

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Grace (Eventually)

I love Anne Lamott. I love her because even though sometimes, theologically, I kinda raise my eyebrow, she always, always is honest and true. She struggles and whines and is delightfully human. And she has dreads, so really, how could you not love her?

And in her book Grace Eventually she says some really great and beautiful things. And it makes me remember that things like grace and healing, they’re a part of that slow, hard work of life. The kind that easily gets traded into routine, or cast aside because it’s not as exciting as the life we think we are supposed to be leading.

Truthfully, I’d have to say this is a sin of mine. This fantasizing about my life. Making it more glamorous than it really is. And all the while forgetting who and whose I am.

It’s just, why does no one tell you life isn’t as romantic as it sounds? That there is this whole huge middle part of your life that’s filled with pretty much the same thing everyday. And that doesn’t have to be bad. There’s a lot to be learned from it. Like contentment. Commitment. Faithfulness. But, none of those words drudge up images of Fabio with Kristen Stewart hair, a Rico Swauvey open shirt, kissing your next as your bosom spills out a too small corset.

But, then again, no one writes the sequels to those Fabio stories. Ones that would read like Fabio goes to the doctor and finds out he has crabs. Or Fabio fathers another illegitimate child whom he has no more to do with than a check once a month. Or even, the illustrious, Fabio settles down, gets a job where he wears suits with the buttons, buttoned to the top, and marries the girl he got pregnant.

Now, there is a best seller waiting to happen.

But, those books, those stories, those fantasies, they all bank on magic to change us. And I, for one, watched Cinderella enough times to know that nothing is wrong with me, I am just not accessorizing correctly. Were it as simple as buying glass slippers, I’d be all over that.

Instead, it’s the patience and the screaming and the scooting closer and closer and sometimes drastically in the other direction towards God. It’s shrugging shoulders, raising hands. And when you think about it, it still is magic, but it’s just a little more than the change of shoe. It’s the transformation of heart.

And even though most days, I stomp might feet and want grace now.

I’m learning about the beauty in grace eventually.

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