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Archive for the ‘desert’ Category

Utterly Human.

For one, I love LOVE Glee. And whenever I start to feel a little down, I pop in the soundtrack, and my day feels turned around for that time. It’s a beautiful thing. And I will always belt out, “Don’t Stop Believin'” “Take a Bow” “Bust Your Windows” and “Golddigger” because you kind of have to. In fact, hold on a second, because “Don’t Stop Believin'” just started.

Well, anyway, I’ve been so whiney lately. I think my most frequently used it expression this week is, “Annoyed.” I just say it, much in the same way Rachel Zoe says, “Unclear,” in all situations where I’m the least bit annoyed. Which, is really rather frequently.

I’m tired of the whole shabang of wait, pray, trust. I don’t think that means much expect that I’m utterly human. I doesn’t mean I won’t keep doing it, it just means, I’ve hit that wall where my very human expectations of God come out and I want to demand action. I want to scream that I’ve had enough of this season. That I’m ready for the next. Now, deep down, I know God is still good and at work. But, sometimes, I feel more annoyed and weary than I do adventurous and…well, faithful.

I don’t know that feeling this way does much except calls me back into commune with God in some strange way. I pray just as much, I just say some different things. I trust but with a little less grace. And I still shrug a lot of days and sigh at the end. I still squeeze my eyes and say, “Really?” It’s just a little different place. It’s just after so many days in the desert, us humans can’t help but say, “Uh, I don’t really get what the point of this was. Were we that bad off back there? At least we knew where we were going?”

And God will always respond with, “Let me fight for you. Just rest. Just trust.”

And I’ll feel a little annoyed, because I knew that. I was just hoping for, “Oh, Whit. How careless of me. Let me attend to all of what you think is most important and relevant.”

Ha. Annoyed.

It’s just a day full of Glee soundtracks for sanity, deep breaths, dancing, and screaming when no one is paying attention.

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