And so 2013 has been around for some 9 days. And I’ve spent that last 9 days thinking hard about the upcoming year. What I want to do more of (write, listen to music, create, connect) and what I want to do less of (watch tv, sleep). All of this is well and good and pretty par for the course for me. New year. New thoughts. A new chance to try to be more. I usually walk away from the New Year with lists. Lists that I think will save me. Lists that I think will cure aches of loneliness that come with being alive for very long in this world.
But, strangely, blessedly, I didn’t get that this time. Somehow, during a car driving, thinking session, amidst all the shoulds and goals and what nots, one word drifted to the top. And I knew that one word was mine.
Fearless.
I am a lot of things, but I don’t think that fearless is one of them. At least, I don’t think it is something that comes naturally to me.
Honestly, I don’t really know what this will look like. This fearlessness. But, I do know this. It will mean saying yes to somethings that I would have said no to. It will mean choosing not to indulge the voice in my head that tells me not to try something I might not be good at, not to say something that may sound dumb, not to love when I might be brokenhearted. I think it will look a lot like what Brene Brown tells us that courage meant at one time – telling your whole story with your whole heart. I think it has something to do with the reminder we get in 1 John 4:18 about perfect love casting out fear because fear has to do with punishment. I think it has to do with a lot of things that I don’t even know yet.
So, I’m going to do things a little differently this year. I’m going to let go of the trying to earn my worth by doing the things I think I should. I’m going to instead, try to inhabit my life. Live all the way out to the edges. I’m going to find my own brand of fearless and I’m going to wear it out and do nothing more.
Always, Whitney 