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Posts Tagged ‘fairy heart’

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Four years ago today, my heart changed. I didn’t know it would because all they (the proverbial they) told me all my life was that parenthood changed you, and it has never been hard for me to believe. Books, songs, starry nights, hard conversations – all of these things have changed me, so a little person in my care? Why, of course, how could it not. But, four years ago, it wasn’t I who gave birth to this wild, brave little thing.

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Seven years ago, Jenny got married, one of my very first, dear friends to get married. Seven years ago, Taco Bell was still a regular part of my meal plan and I wore almost exclusively dresses and band t-shirts, but Jenny got married and together these past seven years we have grown and shifted throughout many seasons of life. She pushed and prodded places of my heart that I tried to forget about and I am endlessly and deeply thankful for this.

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Three years ago and five months, I realized I had fallen in love. To be fair, Jenny finally just moved back and I had not much seen Bug prior. But, there we all were, going to Target and I played my first made up on a whim game for her and Jenny said, “I’ve never seen you act like this.” I tried to tell her that she hadn’t seen me much around children, but mostly I had no idea that a heart could grow so quickly. The deep friendship and love I had for Jenny was suddenly magnified and exploded and turned into confetti on its way down and little Bug and I would dance and dance under it.

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Three months ago Bug started calling me Anna, exclusively, giggling with delight when I would respond with, “Yes, Elsa?” Bug and I are make-believe partners in crime. We are committed to bits (I mean, 3 months committed and going strong), believe in dancing in public and singing loud. We share no genes and no names (except the ones we make up ourselves), but we both have fairy hearts. We both have sparkle right behind our eyes that let us see the magic in everyday life and thanks to Bug my regular heart has grown, Grinch style, but my fairy heart – it grows and grows and keeps on growing every day. Two years ago, Jenny and I were obsessed with the Enneagram and already trying to figure out what Bug would be like when she grew. I know enough to know that we won’t be alike in many ways. Bug will be more fearless and more free than is natural for me. I will watch her and learn from her and tell her until I’m old and grey that I’m so thankful to have had her to learn from. That she helped me to sing louder and dance wilder and grew my fairy heart to see that there is so much more magic than I had remembered. That I can see all the magic I once saw, when I was her size.

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Little Bug, happy birthday. I’m so thankful to have you, and darling, you’ve got me. Always.

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